My stimulus package: Rebranding The United States of America

The following is merely a snapshot of my vision for how I will turn around the USA economy.

With corporate rebranding efforts sprouting up like Starbucks locations in the early 2000s, there is an enormous opportunity to turn the United States of America around, not only economically, but in national morale and global relations. The idea of rebranding the USA isn't a far stretch, considering the last presidential election. Barack Obama's campaign netted his camp two top awards at the Cannes Lions International Advertising Awards. With some new blood in the Oval Office and a nation yearning for change, it's now or never for the USA to pull together a new image and credo.

Let's start with our name: The United States of America. First of all, it's too long. Considering the fact that we usually shorten our moniker to America or USA, let's just go with the more hip alternative of "The States." I eliminated "united," because we're neither united by land mass or ideals, considering the separation of Republicans and Democrats, radical and apathetic, Kobe or LeBron. I also eliminated "America," because it's already present on more than one continent - enough said. With The States, I want to put more emphasis back on the unique aspect of each state - united, instead, by the fact that we all come from a special piece of the pie (apple pie remains the national dessert, because it's just plain delicious), each with its own identity and splendid tourist attractions. The States also serves as its own slogan: The States. You can't argue that. The States. Nice.

With a new name, comes the new States' colors. Red, white and blue are so 1776. Our forefathers didn't have the color palette in the 18th Century, that we have today. Many countries already use the RW&B color scheme and, with rebranding, we're trying to stand out from the rest. The States is anything but a traditional country, so I recommend that we go with more untraditional and vibrant colors, such as: neon green, electric pink and white. I'll explain my choices in very few words. Neon green: the world is already "going green," let's continue to profit from that. Electric pink: women hold more purchasing power than men when it comes to accessories, clothing and household decor. White: it's pure, but mostly because it provides a good merchandising alternative - everyone wears white.

Okay, we have some new colors, let's discuss a new logo and flag. I'm getting rid of the stars for a couple of reasons: one, because we don't need each state represented on the flag (we're all one now) and two, how much did it suck trying to draw a flag when you were in elementary school? Stars aren't easy to draw and there were so many. Kids don't have time for that and neither do The States, we've got more important things to worry about. Our new flag will still be a rectangle (easy shape), with two overlapping circles (easy shape), one green, one pink, on a white background. The imagery will portray the new unity of The States and will be much easier on doodling toddlers.

Now that we have new colors, a new flag and a new name, it's time I start discussing how this will turn The States around. There are an infinite number of ways rebranding America would turn a profit, but I don't have time to write a thesis, so this is all you get. Think about this rebranding effort in terms of a professional sports team. We have new colors and a new logo. This means that before the 4th of July, Staters will need to run out and pick up a new flag, new patriotic clothes, heck, new patriotic everything. Retailers rejoice! Globally, the new trend will be to "Go Stateside," by buying all the new States' apparel and visiting rebranded States' attractions, such as The Mall of the States. The States will be the buzz of the UN, the Olympics and the global marketplace.

By now, many of you are already thinking, "Kyle, there is so much history and pride already reflected in the stars and the stripes; the red, white and blue." I've considered this, but the whole point in rebranding is to stimulate the economy and stimulate a new pride in The States. Deep down we all love this country and are proud to live here. Rebranding gives us a new reason to boast, new colors to wear proudly and a new song to sing (I forgot to mention, I've commissioned Danny Elfman to score the new anthem and Bob Dylan to write the lyrics).

I don't want people to think I'm unpatriotic for changing so many things about the USA, because I'm only creating these changes to lift us out of this economic downturn and improve our global image. We will never lose The United States of America and anything associated with it, because rebranding The United States of America is only phase one of my stimulus package. Once we've reached the pinnacle of profits from The States' rebrand, we'll turn to phase two: going retro.