My. Mix Tape.

"Greenleaf" - The Generationals

Saturday, February 14, 2009

I write a dating column: # 5

(This came out last fall, but I forgot to post it.)

Do you remember innocent note-passing? It was just you and your middle school crush engaged in a series of pointless flattery. I think this simple act should be resurrected at this point in our lives. Wouldn't it be great if your significant other just dropped you a quick message, whether it's on paper, Facebook or e-mail? I think the best way to brighten someone's day with a note is through the act of writing a Haiku.

This Japanese poetry form is arranged in three lines: the first contains five syllables, the second contains seven syllables and the third contains five syllables. I went through the work of coming up with a few examples to express any type of feelings you may be having. It is important to note if you use any of mine, I want any royalties you may make off my brilliance.

You're Neat
I enjoy your face
It looks nice in a mirror
Is that a pimple?

I Like, Like You
I think about you
Constant, beautiful, kind thoughts
Please lend me your car

Holiday Love
Snow gently falls down
I see your bright eyes glisten
Why are you cross-eyed?

Your presence scares me
Charming and nicely you smile
Let go of my hair

Obsessed Love
You control my mind
Powerful, intense feelings
I swallowed the key

Geek Love
You make my pits sweat
Stunning like Princess Leia
Gaming is better

Binary Love
One zero zero
Zero zero one zero
One one zero one

Stalker Love
Your door was open
Many bright pretty sweaters
Your boyfriend is strong

Friend Love
You are always there
Trust, compassion, empathy
Dude, that's my girlfriend

Unrequited Love
Why don't you love me?
Empty, lost, lonely
I'm wearing your bra

Puppy Love
Aarf, woof, barky bark
I am hungry for kibble
Your butt smells friendly

Sporty Love
You are a touchdown
Celebration and thrilling
Nothing like jock itch

Romantic Love
I long for your touch
Soft, warm and gentle embrace
The candles burned me

True Love
Your life completes me
Content, comfortable, whole love
I farted on you

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